You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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