I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
