you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
