Your face is a jimmy john
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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