They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
