he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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