I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We left the knife in your bed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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