Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
