I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
