and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize