Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
