miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
