Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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