i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are all done wearing pants today
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
