A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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