I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
