No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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