Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
