Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
