My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
