apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
