Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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