It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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