I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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