i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
