Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
