Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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