Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
