2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
