Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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