Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
