She said her name was "party"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
