After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
