you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
