he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
