physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
