If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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