Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
