My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
