I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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