my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
