I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
