dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize