He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Only a mothe r could love this liver
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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