Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My balls are so social today.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
