Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
