Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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