I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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