At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
