I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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