You work out of a Hotel?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
