How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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