Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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