Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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