Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
