i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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