We're facebook friends in real life
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
