It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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