I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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