You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
