are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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