he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You pole danced in your parka.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
