i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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