I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
