So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
