Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
