Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
