ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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