I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
