I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize