The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
