I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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