Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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