Pappa wants mamma naked
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
