omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
