hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize