I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
