what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
