i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He shit in the fireplace
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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