We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
