Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
