he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
