woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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