Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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