my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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