Sorry, I don't speak sober.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
