I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
