Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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