I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
