Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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