oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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