Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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