Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize