my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sex in a hospital.. check
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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