I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
